I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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