It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
