We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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