My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish there were birth control emojis
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
