you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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