I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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