He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
