his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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