All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
