I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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