I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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