I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
