hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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