So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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