I want to make a zoo with you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
do nipples grow back?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
