I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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