I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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