One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize