butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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