But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
