You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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