I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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