You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
