I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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