Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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