Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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