I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
