She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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