So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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