I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
