Sponge bath it is.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
