You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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