I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
