Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
