Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im part way to drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
