god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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