Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize