Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
