Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
