I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
