My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
