I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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