What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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