They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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