try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
