There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
