I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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