I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
