I am puke
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
