You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
