the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
