So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
