sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
