I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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