Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
