It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
