saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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