Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
