Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
