You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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