Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's blow job season.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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