my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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