I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
