He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
