im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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