Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
