Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
