Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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