i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
