please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
