My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
