i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just tell him i said nine months
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
