i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
