It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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