I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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