I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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