I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
