Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
