I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
