Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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