WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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