I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
